Working hard, or hardly working...

I have been thinking about writing this for the last few weeks, but have put it off because I didn't know exactly how to write it or other things took precedence.

One thing that has been really pressing my mind lately is the strength and motivation I have noticed that can be found in science majors who have a true love for their craft. This is not to say that nobody else has strength and motivation, it is just a little different. Like when I tell people that I am a Biology major, they usually respond saying that I must be really smart. I may be smart, but there are always going to be smarter than me that may have interests in different areas. What sets me apart from others is that I choose to invest myself into everything I do. Scientists develop this love-hate relationship with their craft. I have developed a love-hate relationship with my craft. Some days I loose motivation, feel like a total failure, think about what life would be like if I had done something different with my life, and it is in moments like these that I am drawn further in because I realize I wouldn't want to do anything else. Seeing friends and acquaintances studying things like English or Music or History or anything else, I notice the differences in the way I see things and think about things and recognize that I could never do what they are doing and they probably couldn't do what I am doing. (Not saying they are dumb or I am dumb, just that the ways we operate is different.) It is because I struggle constantly, and have to give up most of my time that I could be spending with friends not on the same path I am, and learn to balance my schooling and my health, both physically and mentally, that makes me appreciate what I do and what I have learned thus far.

In a few weeks, I am graduating. I get the chance to step out into the real world and decide what path I will continue on from here. I have been extremely fortunate these last 5 years of college because I have the two greatest parents in the world who have supported me financially, emotionally, and in every other way that they could. I will 100% admit that I am terrified of the thought that I will eventually need to find a way to support myself. But what truly hits home is that in all my complaining and struggling with school and the politics behind getting a college education is hearing that it is preparing me for the real world, that the working world will be the same way. This is where I disagree. I put my all into everything that I do, all day, everyday. I now spend most of my weekend studying or taking a break from studying. I am constantly thinking about school, doing school work, participating in class, attempting to give my all constantly. And as much as I am nervous about entering the "real" world, I look forward to having even the slightest bit more free time to delve further into things that I love for me that are not necessarily pivotal to my career or future.

Lately, I have asked myself why I push myself so hard. I heard something recently that a person said they did what they did to make their parents proud. It made me think, and I became more aware of the fact that I do what I do to make my parents proud. I know that my parents, and the rest of my family, are proud of me when I am happy with myself and I work hard, and I am most proud of myself when I can see that my hard work is paying off in some way. The hours I spend stressing and struggling and loosing out on activities, I know that when I see what I have achieved, I will be the most proud of myself, and the ones who love me most will be proud because I am happy. I am going to try to think about this as I push through the trials of the next 5 weeks. I want to make these next 5 weeks count the most by committing to school as much as I can while still giving time to enjoy my final moments. I want to make my parents, my grandpa, and the rest of my friends and family proud, and I want to prove to anyone that ever doubted me that I can do anything when I fully commit, and I try my best to fully commit to all I do.

And to conclude, here are some pictures:

Swing dancing friend with one of the groups at Redwood Coast Music Festival last weekend.

(Check this group out for good music: Jacob Miller & the Bridge City Crooners)

Mom and Dad and I before the semester started

Proof that I am a true nerd: Department of Biology shirt that I wear proudly

That's all for now!

From your favorite struggling science student,

Kallie

A little bit of everything...

I know... It has been a while since I wrote anything on here. But what do you expect? I am studying science and am one semester away from having a Bachelors of Science degree.

Today, I began my last semester as an Undergraduate. Day 1 and I am already on that path of overwhelmed. Do I have everything I need? (answer: no) Did I remember everything from home? (answer: who knows) Will I have friends in any of my classes? (answer: TBD) Can I survive these next 16 weeks of chaos, stress, excitement, etc.? (answer: Only with the Lord's help)

Recap of last semester: It was a lot of work. I had fun with some of the work, despised some others of it, and simply pushed through the rest. I passed all my classes, learned all I could, and came out so ready for a break from school.

Winter break was good. I got to spend the holidays with family and take some much needed time to relax. My parents and I went to Arizona for Christmas to stay with family and spent the New Year at the Glamis Sand Dunes. It was super fun. I especially enjoyed spending time with my cousin Katie and my favorite little munchkin of a godson. It is nice to have someone so similar to me that is related that I can talk to, vent with, and work out the ideas in my head. And I guess Barrett is a pretty cool kid too. After heading home from those adventures, I got some time just to be at home, to relax and take care of myself, regroup, bother my fluffy things :-)

But here I am now, back at school, back into the grind of things (eventually). The trip up was crazy and wet, but we arrived safely and my parents made it back home. I miss them already, and my cats. Part of me wonders why I decided to be this far away from home for school, but I have grown so much as a student and a person by fully immersing myself every single day that I wouldn't have it any other way.

Most of my classes are Monday/Wednesday, so I only had a lab and an intro to a fun class today. Yet still, I am sitting here overwhelmed. I have so much to look forward to this semester, with new projects, new friends, new adventures, and graduation of course. We will see how things progress. And hopefully I can take some time for more updates.

Here are some pictures:

My favorite picture I took all of break. Barrett and his grandpa (Uncle Karl)

Astro taking up residence in my stuffed animals shelf

My favorite little Christmas elf

That's all for now. Back to school work

Kallie <3

Mid-Semester Thoughts

Among the stress of midterms and everything else in the life of a science student, I have been thinking about a lot of things, like the future, or the people who have helped me get to where I am now, or what life would be like if I had done anything differently. So here are a few for you (in list form, because that is the only thing keeping me functioning):

• College Majors... and what I wish someone had told me before:
• When you are in high school, everyone wants to know what you want to do for the rest of your life and where you are going to school. They put so much pressure on making decisions for the rest of your life that it becomes overwhelming. I know, for me, having to make that decision made me look at the reputation, character, and success of people in all the different fields. I knew I wanted to do something in science, but that is such a broad spectrum of topics. It wasn't until I chose to switch schools and find an option that would allow me to experiment with classes, to find what I was interested in, that I found what I love. The difficult part of this was this discovery coming in late in the game. I wish someone had told me that there are options that allow you to go as broad or narrow as you choose with your major. I also wish someone had told me that you don't have to follow the stereotyped ideas of what type of person should do what major. Not just athletes have to do Kinesiology, not just child geniuses have to do some super complicated Math or Science, good writers do not have to do English. I was so stuck because of these ideals that I lost out on initially finding what I love. Long story, short: Finding what you love in college is not necessarily the "ideal" stereotype.
• Thoughts on Graduation:
• I have one full semester left before I become a college graduate (pending getting into my classes). I have been in college for almost 5 years. I have been up here at Humboldt for almost 4 full years. The idea of graduating college is a lot more foreign than how I felt in high school. Graduating from high school is like a way of saying, "Yay! You were able to meet 12 years of standards in order to become a functioning member of society." It was a way to end one life chapter in order to begin another. Graduating from college is a way to show you tried your hardest, stressed a lot, overcame many obstacles, and fought the good fight to fulfill requirement after requirement while still figuring out what to do with the rest of your life. People expect so much more out of you after you graduate from college, they want to know how much you have your life together. Truth is, I still don't know what I want to do when I "grow up."
• When things fall in place, but may not be together yet:
• I am preparing for my last semester of my undergraduate life. I have all my classes laid out and they fit together perfectly, but I still don't know yet if I will get into them. I have been debating about the future, and opportunities keep presenting themselves that would be perfect, yet I still am unsure if they are right. I keep telling myself to just go for everything, but something is still holding me back. I don't know why. I guess I am still getting over the thoughts of the previous two points. I guess I just have to continue to trust that everything will fit together and go exactly as they are supposed to.
• Homesickness (or just missing home):
• I don't know if I can call it homesick, but I miss being home. I miss my friends at home, and my family, and my fluffy things. Talking on the phone and Skype of FaceTime and Facebook are fantastic, and I am so thankful for them, but there is nothing that can match actually being there where I can sit and have dinner with my parents, or spend hours playing with the cats, or catch up with friends that I never get to see anymore because I chose what I thought was best for me in order to grow myself. Thanksgiving week cannot come any sooner.
• School burn-out:
• I don't care what you say, but burn-out is worse than "senioritis" in high school. I have been in school for 20 of my almost 23 years I have been alive (minus the summers I didn't do anything school related). I have worked so hard to get to this point. I feel like I have reached a max capacity of learning for some time, at least at this intensity. As a senior in high school, I wanted to move on to bigger and better things, and the idea of high school grew old. That's what "senioritis" is, wanting to be done with forced education and making your own decisions. I am past that point. I have been so continuously overwhelmed semester after semester that I am full of information and am running out of the energy to keep going. My "life gas light" has been on for a while and I am calculating the number of miles I have left of gas to see if I can make it to the gas station at the end of the education system. (Metaphor brought to you by my brain on school.) At this point, all I can do is wait it out and continue to give it my all.

Well, this is a lot of thoughts. Sorry, not sorry.
Until next time,
Kallie

First Day of School reflections

Happy First Day of School to me!!! Today marks the start of my last year as an undergraduate student. Wow! The last four years have sure flown by quickly. I am excited to see what this year has to offer.

And as I look back on these last couple years, I have so many things that have brought me to where I am today. Here are the top picks:

1. My parents. My prime support system. The ones I can call in any stage of excitement, frustration, sadness, anger, extreme focus, and yet they love me anyway and will always have my back. I am lucky to have the best set of parents I could ever ask for standing behind me.
2. My friends, whether new or old, who have been there for me at some point in my life, even if we do not talk much any more. Those who supported my decisions wholeheartedly and those who may have questioned some of my ideas, I am thankful all the same. I look forward to making new friends this year.
3. My teachers. Past, present, and future. Who would have thought that the shy little girl that sat in your class would be finishing her Bachelor's degree. I will never forget having a teacher tell my parents that "it is always the quiet ones you have to look out for." I may no longer be that quiet girl all the time anymore, but the fire still burns inside of me, and I have my teachers to thank.
4. Camp. Two summers spent working in one of my favorite places in the world with some of the coolest people in the world. My decision to apply at camp was definitely a step out of my comfort zone, and as the summers progressed, that comfort zone began to grow. It definitely made me more comfortable to be who I truly am.
5. Atlantis Project. The smartest, but definitely craziest, decision I have made in my college career. I never would have guessed I would travel to Spain, let alone leave the country, on an epic adventure and figure out which direction I wanted to go in life. It gave me more motivation to be successful and figure out what necessary steps I needed to take to pursue my dreams. (If you want more info, read the previous blog posts.) I could go on forever...
6. Humboldt State University. Coming up here definitely was a great decision. I knew it was the right place for me when I visited. The atmosphere felt right. This school, while a struggle at times, has allowed me to have some of the greatest experiences, meet some of the coolest people, and see some of the most beautiful things. I have much more appreciation of the world around me. Never doubt a school like this, despite its reputation.

Here is to the start of a new year, with new opportunities, new frustrations, new experiences, and a more confident me.

Kallie

When one chapter ends...

... you never know how the next one is going to begin.

I have been putting off writing this since I got home almost 2 days ago.

Saturday, my friend Sasha and I wandered around Vigo, did some shopping, had a nice drink, watched the sunset while eating dinner along the port, and enjoyed the last couple hours before sleep and her departure. The next morning was bittersweet, knowing we would both be home soon but aware that we were at the end of the journey.

Sunday morning, I spent time relaxing and preparing myself for a long journey and 2 days worth of traveling and airports. Not really hungry, I went to see what I could get for a late breakfast and found the frozen yogurt place at the mall just opening, and the guy working there realized that I spoke English and tried to help me. I spent a little time walking around the port before heading back to the hotel to grab my bags and head to the airport, thinking I would check in when I got there and see what I could do for the 6 hours until my flight without having to worry about all my stuff. Little did I know that the airport shuts down for siesta time, leaving me with nothing to do except hang out at the airport so I could keep track of my stuff. And there is nothing in Vigo airport, literally nothing but a little store and a cafe. It is so small. Six hours of sitting and reading or going through puzzle books or reading or people watching, I finally checked in my bag and got on the dinky little plane that took me to Paris airport. What a difference in size. I almost got lost in Paris airport because their lack of signs and direction-indicating displays was tremendous, and communication was a slight issue since I don't speak French. I finally found my way to where I was to meet my shuttle to my hotel for the night and waited.

The hotel was one of the nicest hotels I have stayed at in my life. The Hilton was conveniently located between Terminals 1 and 2 of the airport (1 being the more private airport and 2 being for the big commercial flights) and the shuttle took me there, and I got checked in, let my family know I had made it, figured out where I needed to go in the morning, and fell asleep in my giant bed to recover from a travel/dehydration-induced migraine.

I woke up the next morning and got ready to go, checking out a little before the first shuttle to the airport so I could ensure I had enough time in case I got lost. My first flight of the day was pretty nice. I watched movies almost the entire time, except for the 45ish minutes that I slept, and the 9+ hour flight went by rather quickly (or as quickly as a 9 hour flight can). After arriving in Atlanta, I braved the line at customs, which wasn't as daunting as I had heard it could be. The customs officer was even joking with me, which was refreshing and a nice change from the stoic border patrol officers in Paris that I had encountered both directions. Once making it through customs and rechecking my bag, I got my next boarding pass and prepared for another nice 8 hours in the airport. At least most the people spoke English, and there were more people for people watching, and I had good internet access and regular cell service. I somehow survived the long wait (I am pretty sure I walked the terminal enough times that people were looking at me funny for not walking to a gate) and got on my plane home. That was probably the most uncomfortable flight I had been on my entire trip, but it was also the smoothest landing. At least I slept a couple hours for my 4+ hour flight, and once I got into Sacramento, I was familiar with the airport so I didn't have to worry about getting lost.

Nunca camines solo.

This phrase is widely used by travelers on El Camino de Santiago, meaning "You never walk alone," and I think it is a good way to sum up this trip. I met so many smart, caring, amazing people, made so many new friends, and stepped way out of my comfort zone, and I will never regret that decision. It filled me with so much joy to be around people who had such similar interests and build such a strong bond in a short four weeks. I just hope that, one day, we will be able to connect again. Not saying that my friends at home are bad or that I don't have anything in common with them, but there is just a different bond I share with the group of individuals from this trip. I was always aware that there were people around me that were on the same journey I am and we were all going through each day together, whether being in the hospital or out on excursions. Galicia will always hold a special place in my heart. I have more motivation to pursue my dreams than ever before, and I now have a new dream to learn more Spanish and travel back some day.

I am so excited to see what the future holds, but I am so happy to be home.

Vigo sunset over the port.

Paris hotel room. (The picture above my bed is the closest I got to the Eiffel Tower)

Sacramento from the sky at night. I never realized how big it actually was.

Well, this is it on my trip. It has been quite a journey.
I hope to continue blogging throughout the year as I finish up my last year of my Bachelor's, so don't stop looking here.

TTFN, Kallie

The beginning of the end

Saying goodbye is probably one of the hardest things to do. But let's recap the week instead of talking about that. 

Thursday: hospital. Sweetest doctor with a British accent when she spoke English. She saw my interests and let me take time to look more into them and ask questions. Intensive care is exactly that: intense, but the amount of care and respect the doctors have for their patients in the Spanish hospital is incomparable. Thursday night, we had our final group dinner. We enjoyed delicious food and a nice glass of Spanish wine before the first couple people headed off. That night was spent in our last night out on the town enjoying each other's company. 

Friday: as it was my last full day in Ourense, I decided to give myself a break from the hospital. (That and something about seeing comatose people for that long was a struggle.) we had a nice breakfast and did a little shopping before saying goodbye to a couple more people of the group. After a nice siesta (nap time), I had my last English lesson with my student. The evening was time for the last meal with those of us that were left before a couple more departed. 

Saturday (today): the four of us that remained enjoyed a nice breakfast at the cafe that we had gone to every morning before the hospital. We thanked the ladies working there for all they did for us and they returned our thanks with our favorite breakfast foods. All of us spent the rest of the time in Ourense making sure everything was packed. Two more left. Shortly after, my friend Sasha and I headed to the train station to make our way to Vigo, where I am now. Will update about Vigo later. 

Here are some pictures:

Drinks with friends

The last four

Ttyl. Kallie

Hiking, climbing, and surgery selfies

Oi... The last week in Spain. 

Sunday: for our group trip, we did quite a bit. We visited two different monasteries, one that was set up as a historic site and one that was formerly a seminary and church and everything else but is now a 4 star hotel. Both were beautiful. We then went to our lunch place, by way of a scenic view over a valley. We ate lunch outside next to a creek before we headed out on what was probably the hottest hike/walk I have ever been on. It wasn't that long or that difficult, but this girl doesn't hike in 100 degree humid weather. I am pretty sure I sweated out all the water I drank at lunch. When we left the train and restaurant, we headed in the (thankfully air conditioned) bus to a winery along the river we had seen earlier. In Spain, a lot of wineries are built along rivers and other water ways so they require less artificial irrigation. We toured the small winery and tasted some wine (and maybe bought some). The rest of the day was spent relaxing and prepping for a busy week. 

Monday and Tuesday: surgery days. I was in general surgery, which meant the first day was spent on digestive tract surgeries and the second on a lot of outpatient surgeries. I was so thankful to be in an area where I could wear scrubs and spend time in an air conditioned part of the building. I followed around a medical resident, getting to watch her experience things for the first or second time in her first month of residency. The doctors were excited to show me things and learn things in English the entire first day. Surgeons are so calm on the outside and handled things like they were all routine. The strangest part of both days was the fact that most of the patients were awake during the procedures. I enjoyed it a lot, but they do so much work. 

Wednesday day: I was really nervous going into the day as I headed to intensive care because I knew there would be people who may not have any life left in them. All I could think about was my family, those I still have and those I have lost and what I would do without them. I was also kind of nervous about the fact that many of the people were in similar or worse (mostly worse, way worse) shape as my grandpa. (Shoutout to grandpa!! Love you and miss you a lot!!!) I didn't think I could handle it, but I decided to give it a try. The doctor I was supposed to be with wasn't there so the other doctors in the department welcomed me in and explained things to me as best they could until a doctor got there that I could shadow. To my surprise, the doctor I ended up with spoke near perfect English with a British accent and she was very willing to show me things. She noticed I took particular interest in the CT scans and let me look at them and try to analyze them with her help. I got to go with her to see a CT scan on a patient as well. While this particular patient may not have the best results from the scan, it made me realize again that radiology is something I truly have an interest in. I could definitely see myself doing radiology in the future. The career of an ICU doctor is difficult at times, but they all have such a passion for what they do and are so willing to show it. I am happy that I get to spend my last rotation there.

The evening consisted of a group adventure to the town of Allariz (or something like that) for some swimming and general wandering around the town before dinner. It was refreshing to get in the water and swim a little even though it was a little cooler than the last couple days. The old city itself was quaint. Lots of little shops with nice clothes and other things. My friend Alec and I wandered off to explore. I am pretty sure we walked almost the entire old part of the town. We may have struggled to find our way back, but we eventually found it and had time to spare before dinner. 

Picture time:

The bell tower of one of the monasteries. Yes, we did walk up there and everyone was terrified of I breaking and us falling. 

View from the winery. 

Surgery selfie. No hot lab coat for me, just a nice pair of hospital scrubs and air conditioned rooms. 

Walking down the old streets of Allariz. 

That's all for now. See you in the next update. 

Kallie