One thing that has been really pressing my mind lately is the strength and motivation I have noticed that can be found in science majors who have a true love for their craft. This is not to say that nobody else has strength and motivation, it is just a little different. Like when I tell people that I am a Biology major, they usually respond saying that I must be really smart. I may be smart, but there are always going to be smarter than me that may have interests in different areas. What sets me apart from others is that I choose to invest myself into everything I do. Scientists develop this love-hate relationship with their craft. I have developed a love-hate relationship with my craft. Some days I loose motivation, feel like a total failure, think about what life would be like if I had done something different with my life, and it is in moments like these that I am drawn further in because I realize I wouldn't want to do anything else. Seeing friends and acquaintances studying things like English or Music or History or anything else, I notice the differences in the way I see things and think about things and recognize that I could never do what they are doing and they probably couldn't do what I am doing. (Not saying they are dumb or I am dumb, just that the ways we operate is different.) It is because I struggle constantly, and have to give up most of my time that I could be spending with friends not on the same path I am, and learn to balance my schooling and my health, both physically and mentally, that makes me appreciate what I do and what I have learned thus far.
In a few weeks, I am graduating. I get the chance to step out into the real world and decide what path I will continue on from here. I have been extremely fortunate these last 5 years of college because I have the two greatest parents in the world who have supported me financially, emotionally, and in every other way that they could. I will 100% admit that I am terrified of the thought that I will eventually need to find a way to support myself. But what truly hits home is that in all my complaining and struggling with school and the politics behind getting a college education is hearing that it is preparing me for the real world, that the working world will be the same way. This is where I disagree. I put my all into everything that I do, all day, everyday. I now spend most of my weekend studying or taking a break from studying. I am constantly thinking about school, doing school work, participating in class, attempting to give my all constantly. And as much as I am nervous about entering the "real" world, I look forward to having even the slightest bit more free time to delve further into things that I love for me that are not necessarily pivotal to my career or future.
Lately, I have asked myself why I push myself so hard. I heard something recently that a person said they did what they did to make their parents proud. It made me think, and I became more aware of the fact that I do what I do to make my parents proud. I know that my parents, and the rest of my family, are proud of me when I am happy with myself and I work hard, and I am most proud of myself when I can see that my hard work is paying off in some way. The hours I spend stressing and struggling and loosing out on activities, I know that when I see what I have achieved, I will be the most proud of myself, and the ones who love me most will be proud because I am happy. I am going to try to think about this as I push through the trials of the next 5 weeks. I want to make these next 5 weeks count the most by committing to school as much as I can while still giving time to enjoy my final moments. I want to make my parents, my grandpa, and the rest of my friends and family proud, and I want to prove to anyone that ever doubted me that I can do anything when I fully commit, and I try my best to fully commit to all I do.
And to conclude, here are some pictures:
Swing dancing friend with one of the groups at Redwood Coast Music Festival last weekend.
(Check this group out for good music: Jacob Miller & the Bridge City Crooners)
Mom and Dad and I before the semester started
Proof that I am a true nerd: Department of Biology shirt that I wear proudly
That's all for now!
From your favorite struggling science student,
Kallie
